SNAP & SHOT

I am in my early twenties and have actually turned a way too schizophrenic…..that just can explain my long absence from blogosphere…
It could even be a PTSD(post trauma stress disorder) after what happened when I ended up in a get-to-gether (which I now so avoid..)
While my parents were busy confabulating with other folks I ran into their old friends at one table..
Mehta Uncle started off
“So, shrill what next??MBA ,IAS,GRE….???”
And as I spurt out that reply which my people so heartily dislike…
”I don’t know, ummm….have yet to figure out”
Mehta Uncle continued to proffer pearls of wisdom..“Why not try for an MBA ??”…hehe...Mediocre But Arrogant…It reminded me of..
“All engineers go for it…helps you earn manifold of what you get as an engineer. And then there is no Brand as Brand IIM…”
I wonder who created it and fanned this craze..…
“just get through this one and the world becomes your oyster..u’ll have a farmhouse in Australia,penthouse in manhattan …
I added..what else uncle…??Swimming pool in French Riviera and luxury loo in Las Vegas??...
He agreed “yes..yes..why not,why not definitely..see u already are so ambitious…just a bit disillusioned..never mind..
Know what??I’ll introduce you to my bestfriend’s brother’s wife’s sisters’s grandson who’s just got into IIM-A and already got a summer Intern at an investment bank:”
I asked…”U still think I-banks are that respectable after all that happened….”
He later added in a serious tenor “But remember smart and good looking ppl are always at an advantage in a profession like that and will have an edge over you”
I gushed out in my mind“Excuse me!!Was that supposed to be a warning or advice”
But I didn’t say anything coz it would again start that old humdrum of
“Girl you should know to respect elders….blahhh…blahh..not to argue with them and never to answer them back…Is that what ur parents have taught you??”..I’ve always seen that every elderly person be it your college admin people, the corrupt TTE in train or morally bankrupt Govt. clerk will use the above lines as their trump card when they’ll realize that there’s nothing logical they have to say against your point..
Time for the next career counseling by Mr.Sharma
“Beta, I tell u, u should join the IAS(read:Indian Artifice Services)…There is nothing like it…u’ll have a royal life..will roam in cars with beacon and sirening all about..making your way across traffic…u’ll have a retinue of staff to answer under your beck and call..people all around will salute u ..and respectably call u”MADAM…” “your children will get the best of education and yes u can also earn a lot of money if you want to(winkingly)…..Of course you’ll get to order the general public and masses and keep the entire city/state under your control……..How proud will your parents be and society will treat them with so much of izzat if only u fulfill this dream of theirs……”

Hmmm…I thought it was supposed to be UPSC..Union PUBLIC SERVICE commission but here in the above monologue there was no mere mention of the public service…what about the half-dozen of transfer and suspension orders within a month when you want things to be put right. What about feeling like a piece of trash when working with ministers who cant make a difference between a and z but are busy slicing their birthday cakes..

Why should Gupta Uncle stay shut??
”Ohhhh…No, why waste all those four years of strenuous effort u spent trying to become an engineer??”
Hmmm..I smiled…4 years of hard work…my room mate back in colg will start rolling on the floor with laughter if she gets to know the existence of this statement in my context..
Uncle continued “Our research facilities in India are in shambolic condition…write GRE(Great Racism Experience)…Its damn easy I tell you..and go get an M.S and continue it up to Ph.D in US…join some research lab..Life of a scientist is so convenient..All day in lab…you wont even have to work in the smoke effusing Steel Plants...Who knows you could be our next Madame Curie??”
This is what was going in my mind..Thank you uncle for such great expectations,but I am too restless to stay and sit in the lab..restless and cursed enough to break or damage any experiment results’…and far too DESI to leave the country..I have no characteristics of a great scientist…I don’t get involved in numbers and figures,and magical solutions to complicated problems in the bathroom and I love snoring at night for hours.
And just then a voice descended which I thought was God sent; of a lady who shouted out my name aloud from the other end of the lawn…
In no time I excused myself from the league of extra-ordinary gentlemen and approached the desperate housewives…The bevy of women whom I offered a polite Namaste to… were desperate for a different reason
For quite sometime It had seemed to me that the entire universe had only one thing to say to me ever since I joined college and here it went again with Mehta Aunty ”Ohhhh…shrill how thin have you grown…Diet??? U girls today all wanting to attain size zero….how dark has your complexion become??”
The same IVRS like reponse from my side
“Ohhhh…Aunty the Goddamn MESS food is the reason for all this..raison d’etre”
This is how Sharma aunty started..words pouring out from those heavily lipsticked pout ”Arey Beta..Ditch what uncles say…A girl however bristling with degrees is incomplete if she doesn’t find a suitable match..education and ambition is fine but not too the extent that you fall short of good guys in the community…remember no guy would ever like a girl more qualified,educated or rich than him…”
“She should know to cook,sew and be polite and courteous to all and look after the house..”
God!!From frying pan to fire!!! I was better off with Uncles there,so what if it came at the cost of passive smoking and choking my lungs…
I was now in a brain haywire situation….
Adding to all this..Gupta aunty delivered the coup de grace by saying..
“Ohh dear you’ve become so pretty..and in about a year u’ll even start to work…wow!! U remember my son Mohan..yeah he’s a doctor in the army now..he’s here why don’t the two of U meet sometime..look!!he’s right there…”
SOS I messaged mom and pressed the panic button on my cell..
“DAD,you’ll have to take me out of this place..right now”
To be continued..........

EYES WIDE SHUT!

often I have tried pinching myself..or asked others to pinch me
often I have tried to jerk my legs vigorously..
often I have rocketed to the nearest water point, splashed water on my face,wet my eyes
All in an attempt to remain awake in the class..

In many cases the above operations have been doomed..
What follows is..
*continuous batting of eyelids(as a tube light in a voltage fluctuation)
*the smudge like marks or the running ant like handwriting on the notebook in front of me...followed by the slipping of pen from my hand..
the handwriting turns good,bad and then ugly...and then blank....
Note the way my handwriting deteriorates..(not a drunken driving add!)







How often have you been caught stretching arms..and opening that big mouth with the annoying(to others) AWWHHHHHHHH..sound..
then find some weird muscle in your neck stretched beyond repair and paining like hell..
or even worst you find that the entire class is suddenly looking at you..making you realise..hey!whats so special abt me today!!
Assess the situation and curse yourself for sleeping or curse the external disturbing/waking agent..

The next time any one of us is nabbed yawning
in the class by the teacher..and asked "how dare you yawn in my class?"

here's what you can explain to him...
You can try to explain to your teacher"Sir I was Just yawning ,not sleeping..
The primary reason behind yawning is to control brain temperature. It cools off your brain, much like a fan cools off the inside of a computer.Also, that yawning is caused by lack of

oxygen not necessarily lack of sleep or boredom. Another speculated reason for yawning is nervousness and is also claimed to help increase the state of alertness of a person—paratroopers have been noted to yawn in the moments before they exit the aircraft."
Also tell him...that it has been established by Science that Yawning reflex is contagious and spreads.. if one person yawns, this may cause another person to "sympathetically" yawn.

Observing another person's yawning face (especially his/her eyes), even reading, or thinking about yawning, can cause a person to yawn...
So you see its not all your fault,Prof!!!nor should you be conscious or guilty or indignant that you made us yawn...

.
Pretty often you might be surreptitious in your attempts pretending to be hiding behind the book,or resting your face,hiding those guilty sleepy eyes just behind the back of your hand...when you realise that you've succeeded in fooling the prof...and enjoyed those few moments of spiritual bliss,dreaming about the best food,outfits,places,crushes in sleep..away

from all those shady free body diagarams, puzzling circuits and mystifying equations...
I have taken such "power naps" in the midst of a classical concerts...
and trust me!! also in the midst of an electrifying rock concerts.
I have dozed off in bathrooms,in the midst of telephonic conversations,meals,even face to face conversations...


Well most of the times I have been successful in my super slumbers..
but many times not...
Like in the first year when the class was held in the huge lecture hall with 120 students..people used to make a beeline for the farthest benches..read a book,spot others upto something

while I busy in SLEEP

tragedy struck when we shifted to a smaller classroom with a strength of about 60..
Diplomatic immunity as my frnd calls it is "sitting on the first bench,you can just sleep by covering your face,manoj kumar style..and go unnoticed,while prof will be busy casting a suspicious glance at the back benchers"

I guess it worked
It was just one day when I failed to sit on the first bench when some overtly strict(read:nutty) professor..whose class was always marked by pin drop silence lulled me to sleep...
Zzzzzzzzz...Zzzzzzz....
suddenly I listen to Ravana roaring..
and there he was standing with arms akimbo,like any jailor at guantanamo bay..ready to take me to task..



In reflex I sprang out of my seat to stand and save my life
The Prof asked me what he had been teaching...i glance at the board ,..clueless i muttered letters written on the board..
The next I hear is a crackling 100 decibel"GET OUT OF THE CLASS"
Man..I did something exceptionally "coool" in college..got thrown out of the class..

days continued..while I tried hard not to sleep in his class..his terror reigned...

Semester changed and so did teachers.. so I was back to my business..
On a kinder occassion a highly esteemed Prof caught me in the act
One fine day in His usual lectures..My vertebrael column was closing in from the 90 deg. to the table to 60..45..and finally approaching to 0 deg to the table
when he points me out.."and there we have someone sleeping...Tell me do I sound like your dad who probably had been a good bed time storyteller or lullabye singer to you in your hey

days???"
I just tried to figure some excuse but mumbled a sheepish apology...

He saw me sleeping in his class even after that day when he had given me his "piece of mind"...but I think he'd given up on me...
some people are just too impossible,irreparable,incorrigible....he must have thought


Its not that I am nocturnal and suffer from a sleep deficit...I have slept in class even after having 10 hrs sleep at night..
So you know its not all my fault!

I didnt much like the movie SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE but as a little girl I always fancied SLEEPING BEAUTY..
During summers you can blame the sweltering heat and the sleep inducing heat wave that keeps you confined in your nest...thus leaving you with no option but to sleep..
During rains..the weather becomes so gloomy and mundane that its hard to stay active...so sleep..
During winters its so comfortable to be wrapped us and cozily sleep..
But just a Word:
"NO Dream comes True untill we Wake Up and goto work"..
Having said that..my blog uploaded..my job done...Off I go...Zzzzzz
While you can YAAWWWNN as the blog entry ends!!

A LOT LIKE LOVE

I used to trace this route everyday...returning from the public library,which was a respite for me during those days when one starts getting bored of vacations..
There was this couple whom I saw..they used to frequent the library very often..
While the girl unearthed books in those sections where i found my fiction collection,the guy kept himself busy with newspapers,history and magazine section..
At the eatery close by they would sit and devour snacks..feeding tit-bits to each other..breaking into chuckles...at times even ended fighting,slapping each other in jest......

As the road forked into two separate streets..the boy and girl parted..said goodbyes to each other..
They moved a few steps away...and turned back,to get a final glimpse of each other .
I could sense their longingness for each other...they didn’t want to leave ...
Until the guy uttered the words from a distance..”I LOVE YOU”...
She stood there smiling,frozen,blushing only to wave her hand out to him.....and perhaps became conscious of a third person observer(me) who was an eye witness to the sweet adieu...and all she could do was tap herself on her head...as if feeling stupid....All I did was gave the girl a smile............
The next time I saw them..they were sharing the same umbrella...on a rainy,windy evening...
Much as i would not have liked to look at them,The romantic in me couldn’t resist.
For the sake of vicarious pleasure I looked at them..
In a tizzy the guy was on his knees,hands folded as if praying to the girl,serenading her..
“WEIRD??? CRAZY.....FOOLISHLY ROMANTIC....”
Then why was it making me smile,and why did I not turn my gaze away from them??
Maybe that’s the stuff dreams are made of..............
Only later did the girl box his ears,and they started to walk to the fork where they parted,smiled,waved......turned and looked back at each other..again and again...


Days passed by,and my long vacation was coming to an end..
I didn’t get to see them again..
It was only a few days back that I saw them together again at a Gift Shop.....
Buying each other valentine’s gift...probably

But alas!their day will be ruined!
In a country where the vanguards of “culture” are the youth who are unemployed,and who have nothing to do.....
Honestly the only identity about BAJRANG DAL I am aware of is their protests against Valentine’s Day on the pretext of safeguarding our culture....
Awww Come’on!
Do I need to mention the Khajuraho temples were built over a span of 200 years, from 950 to 1150AD??

Don’t we know how Lord Rama won Sita’s heart or for that matter Arjun wooed Draupadi in a Swayamvar..... the Girl had her own choice even then you see!!
And who needs to tell them about the God who portrayed various roles: a god-child, a prankster, a model lover, a divine hero and the Supreme Being.Lord Krishna .The stories of his play with the gopis (milkmaids) of Vrindavana became known as the Rasa Lila.These became important as part of the development of the Krishna bhakti traditions worshiping Radha Krishna. Krishna and Radha have been epitomised by Hindu Mythology as eternal lovers...who never really married each other...
Our Indian culture in the antiquity has been liberal and very frankly open minded..
Parvati is depicted as interested in Shiva's tales and appearance from her very birth and finally remembering her last life as Sati. As Parvati grew into a young woman, she began tapas (austerities) to please Shiva to grant her wish to reunite with him. She is portrayed as surpassing all other ascetics in penance, undergoing mortifications. Finally, Shiva tests her devotion by sending an attendant or appearing himself in disguise to criticize Shiva. Untouched by the act, Parvati retains her desire for Shiva compelling him to marry her. After the marriage, Parvati moves to mount Kailash, the residence of Shiva.
Now who says that a girl and guy should tie(the knot) or else die??
So why see a girl meeting a boy as a taboo??
Why go about hitting women who are dancing in pubs??
Why go inside head post offices and vandalize it because postal department has been selling and conveying Valentine’s greetings??(Atleast that’s generating some revenue for the postal dept.)
Agreed most of us celebrate the day without actually knowing the history behind the day....
What’s the harm in spending a day of fun and frolic with the special one in the lovely spring??
Calling it a money spinning iniative by Archies,Hallmark,florists,bakeries...
We need a running economy...dont we??
So
My dear Moral police officers,custodians of “culture”..
Please use whatever sense u have left,or better seek an asylum..
Let us live in love and peace....
As for my valentine wish goes...
These lines from Beautiful Mind quoted by John Nash say it all



“i have always believed in numbers and equations and logics that lead to reason..
And after a lifetime of such pursuits i ask what truly is logic who decides reason...
my quest has taken me to the physical ,metaphysical..delusional and back...
And I have made the most important discovery of my career..most important discovery of my life...
It is only in the mysterious equations of love that analogical reasons can be found..
I am only here because of you..
You are the reason I am..You’re all my reasons...Thank you”